Heavy...

It has been 5 weeks and two days, almost to the hour, since I was hurt very badly. It's one of life's lessons in the school of hard knocks and I pray that God will use it to make me more like Jesus. It is in the process of forgiving sometimes that we realize how much we care for the one who caused us pain. My heart is heavy these days and tears have been a more faithful companion to me than I have ever known them to be in the past. It is a different hurt than I have ever known in the past, too. Oh, how I wish things were different! God knows what is best for me and will be faithful to take care of all of my needs, and I have to keep trusting Him even when I do not "like" what that may mean for me right now. I am left feeling homesick, but knowing that I would not be truly happy there because I would only be running from the reality of my life. I am left feeling lonely in a crowd of people, not understood and not really known by anyone around me. I am starting to feel restless, but I know that even that is largely because I am recovering from something painful. My life has been a roller coaster for the past several months and I really hope that it calms down some and gives me some time on the ground. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but right now I would like a little bit more status quo!