Perspective

"It seemed intended by the blessed providence of God that I should be blind all my life, and I thank him for the dispensation. If perfect earthly sight were offered me tomorrow I would not accept it. I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been distracted by the beautiful and interesting things about me." - Fanny Crosby

Be grateful for the things you do not have, for they may distract you from your Heavenly Father. How's that for contentment?

I have been spending some time between calls reading up on Fanny Crosby. She really is inspiring.

Heartache

I have a broken heart. I love someone who is dating someone else. I've never experienced this kind of hurt before. I've been dealing with it for a month, since they started dating. It's a roller coaster and at times I do better than at others, but it's hard. I don't know what to do. I want to run, I want to hide, I want to scream, I want to find some way to take out my frustration, but I know that no matter what I do the pain will still be there.

I go to pray and I can't get words out, so I'm trusting that the Holy Spirit will translate for me. I know what I feel is not uncommon to mankind, but it's so new to me. It's so overwhelming. God can heal my heart and can give me peace. I can accept this with time. I want my love to wane, to move on. Yes, I want to find a godly man but my heart is not free. What a place to be.

When my dog died the only thing that made me feel better was looking for and getting a new dog. It's too bad people aren't like dogs in cases like this. I can't just go find a new one to love.

I need to get involved at church. I made a request to find someone to disciple me and for more information on getting involved in a group. I need godly people around me. This man that I love was my best friend, one of the only real friends I have here, and I can't go there for comfort. I feel so alone. I need God so much.

We talked about peace in church yesterday, and it was one of the most timely messages for me that I ever remember hearing. Responding to life with peace - "This doesn't change who God is." It's hard to see that God will work things for my good when my world has been turned upside down and twisted every which way. It is hard to desire that other people will be blessed through something that causes me so much pain.

I did not guard my heart, and it got broken. I know that in many ways I brought this on myself. That doesn't bring much comfort.

Pray for me. There's a lot of potential for God to work in my life through this, and I want to come away with as much of Him as I can.

Obedience is the very best way

I mentioned before that I wanted to start to do an "outline" type of Bible study discipline. I have decided that each Sunday I will share something from my weekly reading. Hopefully it will serve as both a blessing to my readers and an accountability tool for me! I can't post anything if I haven't read and thought about anything, can I? Today's post is relatively short, but things don't have to be long and wordy to be meaningful!

This morning's passage puts me in mind of a song we used to sing at church when we were kids. It said, "Obedience is the very best way to show that you believe." It's a simple statement with a powerful message. Obey because you believe.

John 5:10-11
Therefore the Jews were saying to him who was cured, “It is the Sabbath, and it is not permissible for you to carry your pallet.”
But he answered them, “He who made me well was the one who said to me, 'Take up your pallet and walk.'”

The words of the healed man really struck me this morning. He obeyed the word of Him who made him well. It was that simple to him. The passage reveals that he didn't even know who Jesus was. All he knew was the healing he received. Whether his obedience was out of reverence and respect for the Healer or out of gratitude or simply because he did what he was told isn't revealed. We really don't know much more than the fact that he obeyed.

God has done great things for me. His blessings are innumerable and His mercy never fails. He has rescued me from His own wrath and called me His child. He has healed me and made me whole. Like the lame man Jesus healed, I must obey. He has done so much for me, it is the least I can do for Him.

Father, it is easy to just do what I want to do, and disregard both what You have done for me and what You have told me to do. Give me a heart of gratitude. Teach me the joyful discipline of obedience to my Lord. Let me decrease that You may increase in my life, that the image of Your Son will be unmistakable in my life, serving as a witness to a world in darkness and an encouragement to the believers around me. Help me hide Your word in my heart so that I may not sin against You.

Clogged Toilet?

I've been dealing with a clogged toilet for the past few days. It's the kind of clog where the toilet bowl fills up but doesn't overflow, then slowly empties. Clogged, but not completely. Plunging wasn't doing any good. In the past, the toilet has done this for a few flushes and then would start working normally again. It finally became clear to me that it was time to find another solution.

The internet is a marvelous thing. I found a site where people suggested using dish soap, hot water and mouthwash in various combinations. I stopped by Target on my way home today and found the cheapest bottle of dish soap (didn't want to risk running out of the stuff I use for my dishes) and the cheapest bottle of mouthwash (I figure I can use whatever doesn't get flushed). I put a liberal amount of dish soap in the toilet and flushed. It behaved much the same, so I added a liberal amount of mouthwash. I flushed, then plunged. I flushed again and my toilet was back to its old self again. No hot water, just dish soap, mouthwash and a plunger. Cheap, easy, and it worked surprisingly well!

Animal Shelter Contest

Hi - I just voted in Care2.com's "America's Favorite Animal Shelter" contest to help my favorite local group, Small Paws® Rescue, win a grand prize of $10,000. Think of the homeless pets we could save with $10,000! But I need your help to get enough votes to help Small Paws® Rescue win. Please vote here: http://www.care2.com/animalsheltercontest/74167/?refer=32668.10.1222450291.3399

Small Paws is the group that rescued my Lucy, so vote for them and increase their chance of winning much-needed funds. Right now there are 26 Bichons that they want to rescue but funds are limited and as of the last report they can only afford the cost of rescuing one! Help save lives and vote!

Greener grass

I find myself lately, for the past few months, really, looking at my friends from church and college who have gotten married in the past several years. They are families. They have life partners. They seek to serve God together. I find myself looking at that and realizing that I want what they have. Do I envy or covet?

That led me to think about why "Thou shalt not covet" is one of the Ten Commandments. I think at the heart of it, coveting is a failure to be content with the things that God has given us. Inherently it is a lack of gratitude for what our loving God has deemed best to provide for us. It is also a greedy attitude. Overall, it's not something that is becoming to a child of God. Be content with such things and you have.

Is wanting something you do not have always a matter of covet or envy or greed? I don't think so. I think it depends on what and why. If I look at someone's luxury car and I wish financial ruin on them so they are forced to sell it and I can buy it from them, I have a problem. If I want to have more money so I can give it to the work of God, I don't think that's sinful. I don't think that wanting to find a godly man to marry and settle down with and maybe have a family is envy just because I see the kinds of things I want in someone else's life. I think that is more an issue of perceived desire.

Most of us really desire the same things. We seek purpose, fulfillment, love and a sense of belonging. Many people have this desires fulfilled though having a family, but that does not mean that there is only one way God gives those who serve Him the desires of their hearts. He is friend and father to us, and serving Him gives our life meaning. There is nothing more fulfilling in the world than hearing Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I know these things, yet I still want the greener grass on the other side of the fence. I think I may not be content, but I don't think that I have crossed the line to envy yet, and certainly I don't covet. Trust me, ladies, I don't want your husband or your children! I want my own special blessings from God.

I choose to use the term "greener grass" because I know that I see life from my side of the fence. I do not know what it looks like from the other side, but as God designed woman for man, is it not good for woman to be married? In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy the freedom of being single as best I can.

Waiting

Right now I am waiting.

I am waiting for news, good or bad, just to know. I wait on behalf of those I love, to know how their lives may be changing. I wait for the right job to open for me in North Carolina or for news that may make me look in a completely different direction.

I am waiting for my parents to come see me, hoping that the fall colors come at the right time for them. I don't look forward to cleaning the apartment in the meantime, however. (Mom, trust me when I say it needs it!) I guess I might be waiting until the last minute on that one ;).

I am waiting for someone to come take my fish, still. In the meantime, the babies have all been eaten and one more fish has died. The water conditions are anything but ideal and I only hope I can keep the rest healthy until they find new homes.

I am waiting for a call from WalMart tomorrow regarding being charged twice for the groceries I purchased on Monday. The first attempt came back with an error, so we tried again and it went right through the second time. Unfortunately the money was taken from my checking account twice, so now we have to figure out if they actually got the money twice or if it's an issue with the debit card issuer. Either way, I am waiting for almost $132 to be credited back to me one way or the other.

I feel like with life in general I'm treading water, waiting for some sign to tell me which direction I should go. The light's still red right now. Stay where you are, but pay attention because it may be time to move on soon.

Life isn't all about waiting, however. Sometimes life is about ideas and imagination, playing unlikely what-if games with ourselves. I'd call it dreaming except that I place no hopes on any of it coming true - I won't wait for this to happen! I was thinking today about what I'd do if I won the lottery. I do not play the lottery, so that definitely makes this far fetched. It's an interesting exercise, however. Honestly my first thought was how much I'd give and how much I'd keep. I'd give a good chunk of change to God's work, for sure, but I don't know whether it would be to a church or missions or what. I would give a generous but not outrageous amount to animal rescue. Depending on the exact amount, I would pay off debt. I'd start with my own and then pay off the debt of my parents and sisters so that we would all at least have a new start on finances. Then depending on how much was remaining, I might set up some kind of enterprise, maybe a bed and breakfast, and offer to any family members to be involved in the venture as might care to. It's the kind of thing I could see Dad enjoying! It's a thought, and I doubt it will ever come to pass.

One thing that I don't have to wait for are kisses from Lucy. She showers me with them. Tonight especially, she just kept kissing and kissing and kissing. She's my little lover dog, for sure! She is definitely a joy to her mommy, and I am so glad I adopted her!

Everyday Meals

I joined a blog today called Everyday Meals. It's a place to post recipes for meals to give the blog's readers ideas. Here's the link:

http://everydaymealstoshare.blogspot.com/

Lucy the Beautiful

She got groomed. :)

Thoughts on a Monday morning

This morning we will start with some B.C.

While I find this particular comic very amusing, I also sometimes feel like that on my weekends. Unfortunately, however, doing nothing just doesn't happen sometimes. There's a Lucy around who seems to think that Mommy needs to take her outside a LOT. She had her obedience class yesterday (she was terrible - really wound up and wouldn't calm down) and gets groomed today.

Lucy's time at the groomer is Mommy's time to run errands. I really need groceries, as I don't think I've been to a grocery store in about 3 weeks. My selection of canned and frozen foods is waning, and I hate looking in the refrigerator and literally seeing nothing but drinks and condiments that are actually edible. What's in there needs to be thrown out, so I think today I'll break down and clean out the refrigerator. It is frustrating to be single sometimes because it seems like I can never use food up before it goes bad unless I eat the same thing every day.

On today's agenda is also cleaning out the larger aquarium, as someone is supposed to be coming to get it tomorrow night and that's not something I want to put off until then. Then there's laundry. Laundry seems to be the one chore that always needs to be done. Always. Someday I will have a washer and dryer in my living space and will be able to do it anytime I'm home. I won't have to deal with laundry room hours or driving to a public laundry facility. I won't have to keep mountains of quarters on hand, either!

I may put a little bit of work in on my resume if I remember to do that. It is a much less critical task, but I should get it done and out of the way. I also should vacuum and shampoo the carpets, but that is also something I keep putting off...

Then there's what I want to do: nothing. Sit and cross stitch, maybe, with a movie on. Weekends are too short and there's too much that I should be doing.

Pictures

Readers may wish to look at the full size image on this one since the babies are still small and somewhat hard to see in the smaller image. Mom is ever keeping watch over her young. I guess some inexperienced Jack Dempsey parents eat their young at around 14 days. These guys are past that point and I count 25 or so babies in the picture and there may be a few that I didn't catch. Looks to me like inexperience has not been a factor for them thus far!


This is sauerkraut stew, my lunch at the tavern in Old Salem. It was very, very good!


There was a blacksmith at work in Old Salem when Nikki and I visited. He was working on a door latch. It is a very interesting place to visit, and I would not mind going again to see additional crafts.


Lucy not long before bed. She is asleep on the bed now as I type. That sounds like a good idea. I shall join her now!

The rising cost of travel

Travel is getting more expensive. I think everyone knows this. The price of gas makes travel by car much more costly and is certainly having an impact on air travel as well. I think airlines are really trying hard not to raise ticket prices if they don't have to, but they are making a couple of changes that will have varying effects on their passengers.

Change #1 - Most airlines now charge for a second checked item for general passengers. Elite club members may not have to pay for as many as four checked items, but for the rest of us, pack lightly or pay up. This has very little impact on me right now as I generally take as little with me as possible and went the all-carry-on route this time. My bag ended up getting checked anyway, but that's a story I'll get to in a minute.

Change #2 - Most airlines now charge for all in-flight beverages. This does have an impact on most people. Now that FAA regulations won't allow beverages to be taken through security, air passengers are at the mercy of airport terminal prices or airline prices if they want to sooth a parched throat between security and baggage claim. The truth is it is probably cheaper to buy in-flight than in the terminal still, but this was an effective way for airlines to save a buck. The first leg of my flight was a rather short one. Gate to gate time was under an hour. Traditionally there would still have been complimentary beverage service for the cabin. This flight they served one cup of tea. I bought it. It cost me a dollar and probably cost the airline a few cents. Think of all of the beverages they didn't serve, though. Over time, that's going to save them a lot of money. In reality, charging $2 for a soda or bottle of water and $1 for tea or coffee isn't outrageous. (They raised the cost of booze from $5 to $7 for anyone interested.) It's expensive compared to a grocery store but shouldn't make hydration cost prohibitive. We've become accustomed already to no free food in the past few years, and this was the next logical step. Carry cash on the airplane, and, as always, exact change is appreciated.

This trip almost became lucrative for me. They were one passenger overbooked on the flight from Philadelphia to Greensboro. They needed a volunteer with flexible travel plans and could rebook that person on a flight in 3 hours. As Nikki and Daniel are only a few minutes away from the airport, I volunteered. If they needed me to give up my seat, they would give me complimentary round trip airfare within the continental United States and would buy me lunch. Three hours for something that could cost me in the neighborhood of $400? This is better than listening to a timeshare sales pitch just to get a new toaster oven. I've had three hour layovers before. They're long and a bit dull, but with lunch time coming up and free wireless internet service in the airport, I'd survive. I might even go hunt down a book store and peruse their selection. What could I do with a free ticket? Most likely it would be used for either coming down to Greensboro again if I needed to interview for a job or, more preferably, to go to California. I sat at the gate and watched everyone leave. A few stragglers came running up at the last minute. They told me they'd need me after all. Free travel, here I come! As the rebooking was in process, a call came up the ramp to "Send the girl down!" (I'm 27, how much longer will I be referred to as a girl?) There was one open seat, but no room for my bag. This is how my bag came to be checked. No free travel, but I arrived at the appointed time which meant a few more hours with my sister, and that made her happy.

Yesterday was hot and we were all tired, so the day consisted of lunch, a little bit of shopping, dinner, a movie at home, and a trip to the grocery store. The grocery store probably had the most interesting little feast for the visiting eye of all of the activities. There was the shelf of numerous jarred mushroom products and canned vegetable varieties than I don't recall ever seeing on a grocery store shelf before. Even something like canned okra. Fresh okra I've seen any number of times, but I honestly do not ever recall seeing it canned. There were other things on the same shelf that were strange to me, but I really don't remember what all was there. Seeing cases of Yeungling in cans was a bit odd, as I think I've only observed it for sale in NY in bottles. The best was probably a person, however. A man with long, unkempt, unwashed hair that I could smell from 5 feet away buying naught but boxed wine. Boxed wine? He really looked like he could be an alcoholic, and a late night run on a Sunday for a box of wine probably meant that he had intentions to drink it. It just seemed an odd choice, although it is possible that it is the cheapest way to get the alcohol. Beer would require more quantity and better quality wine would be more expensive. Boxed wine it is, then. To each his own.

Today we will go to Old Salem and perhaps visit the local used book store that Nikki and Daniel have grown to love so well. I suppose that means that I should get myself moving!

Sisters

I was perusing some stuff on Facebook tonight and saw a comment that one of my friends made on a picture of her sister telling her how beautiful she is. I was struck by that and it warmed my heart. Sisters are great. It's a relationship like no other, and no matter where life takes us, our hearts remain with them.

Nikki is the sister I can talk to about anything. We are enough alike that we understand each other pretty well. I think she knows more about me than anyone else in the family does. We aren't afraid of the "darker" aspects of each other's lives, and as an imperfect person, I find that I need that comfort zone with someone. With Nikki life is real and it's not painted in rosy colors. It is the good and the bad and most of all it's honest. Even in the reality of life, however, Nikki finds the beautiful and the poetic and expresses them marvelously. She's also my big sister and wants to take care of me. We're both strong and stubborn, so things aren't always smooth sailing, but I am so glad that I have her as a friend now that we're adults.

Erin and I share so much history. We were playmates and home school classmates. We went to the same schools for all but two years from the time we started home school to the time she graduated from college. We know so many of the same people and did so many overlapping activities that there is a bond that is unparalleled. Our understanding of each other comes more from environment and experience than from similarities. Life has taken us very far from each other and down very different paths since college, but that doesn't diminish the many things we shared. Erin is the cheerful, positive one and talking to her makes life seem a little bit brighter. Plus she's Talia's mom, which I think says quite a lot! ;)

I really love my sisters and am blessed to have them both. Mom, we became friends!

Harmony and Cacophony

I find myself in a world filled with unfulfilling things. Nothing seems to be interesting enough to hold my attention, and I am not sure if it is because I find myself surrounded by trivial things and activities or if it is the result of my internal unrest. I think perhaps it is a combination of both. I think that I have let life run away with me to the point that I almost forgot who I am. I define myself by my job, but that is not who I am, that is merely what I spend 40 hours every week doing. I define myself by my circumstances and relationship status, but who I am transcends who my friends are or my singleness or how many pets I have or whether this month will be tight or comfortable financially. Right now as I consider relocating again, I want a fresh start for a lot of things, but I want to return to others. I may want a new location for my life, but what I want most is myself. In times like this, "Know thyself" is profound philosophy. If I lose my understanding of myself - the good, the bad and the ugly - I cannot have a fulfilling life. Who am I really?

Where I am is hard. This is where life seems to have crumbled around me and I find myself staring at the rubble. This is also a good place to be, because I can burn the straw and the hay. I can watch the chaff float away. What remains is what is lasting, and right now that's what I want.

If there is one thing that never fails, it is the eternal word of God. No matter how much dust gathers on its cover, it shines brightly among the books, magazines and DVDs around it. There may be times when we choose the darkness of the worldly over the Light of the world, but that never diminishes the Light. I confess that I have a short attention span, so when it comes to reading the Bible, I sometimes seek a different approach to keep things fresh. I can get caught in the familiarity of words and stop thinking about what they are saying if I read things the same way every time. Sometimes keeping it fresh means that I try reading a different translation, and sometimes it means reading a chronological format. Right now I am just beginning reading A Harmony of the Gospels (methinks Erin had this for a college class and gave it to me so I could in turn use it for that class when I took it, but I never actually had to use it, probably because I took my NT Survey I during the winter term). The historian in me appreciates the chronological approach and the repetition that comes with such a format is good for striking the point home when inattention threatens to sabotage my comprehension.

While reading this morning, I was struck by the cacophony of thoughts that tumbled through my brain as I read. Each passage takes my thoughts to a new place, while strains of the old thoughts remain, mingling together. If I really want to get the most out of my interaction with God's word, I might do well to do outlines. I am not talking about creating an outline, per se, but rather outlines as I did them in college for Dr. Halstead and Dr. Smith. That's right, go passage by passage and record summary, interpretation and application. It is really a great way to study the Bible, and I really benefit from putting my thoughts down on paper (or on pixels, as the case may be). It helps me to process things fully.

I jest not when I say that I have a cacophony of thoughts. I'm going to record some of what was going through my mind as I read this morning...

When I was first putting together the substance of this post in my mind, when I came to the mention of the late Dr. C. W. Smith, my brain added, "God rest his soul." God rest his soul. What kind of theology does that phrase spring from? Is that from a tradition of praying for the deceased? Do we pray for God to rest the soul of someone because their soul is somehow in peril? I chose to omit it because I am convinced that "C. Dub" is in heaven, enjoying eternal fellowship with his Creator and Savior. He needs no such epitaph, nor do any who have died in Christ.

I sometimes read footnotes but often ignore them. I did read something this morning that indicated that the first few chapters of Luke may be written in a different tone and style than the rest of the book because one of the major sources that Luke used was Mary's personal account. This is attributed to strong oral tradition, but it makes sense. While it is the story of the beginning of Jesus' life on earth, there is a lot of dialogue that Mary herself would have heard that others may not have and also inclusion of internal responses. She treasured things in her heart and was amazed by the words of Simeon and did not understand what the 12 year old Jesus meant about being in His Father's house.

Speaking of 12 year old boys, the brief glimpse we see of how Jesus interacted with the teachers in the temple is astounding. I've been around kids that age - spent all summer with them a few years ago, in fact. This is not normal 12 year old behavior.

Another footnote was talking about the focus of John the Baptist's early ministry, dual focus on the soteriological and eschatological functions of the Messiah. Those terms were not defined and only brief examples were given. Clearly this is a book designed for use by those who are already familiar with such terminology. Once again I am grateful for my minor in Biblical Studies from TMC.

Speaking of John the Baptist, he was able to recognize Jesus while the two of them were yet unborn. He then recognizes Jesus because the Spirit of God descends upon Him. Toward the end of his life, didn't John send some of his disciples to ask Jesus who He really was? He knew yet he did not understand. Then when Jesus clears the temple the first time, the disciples only realize after the death of Christ what He meant when He said to tear down the temple and He will built it again in three days. John died before Jesus was crucified. He was the last of the prophets who proclaimed the Messiah without fully understanding how God was going to fulfill His promises to Israel. The disciples saw the death and resurrection and the pieces began to fall into place for them. It always amazes me that those so near to Jesus didn't understand what has been taught to me from a very early age until Christ's work on earth was completed.

When Jesus turned water into wine, it was good wine. This should come as no surprise, however, as God doesn't make mediocre things. God makes good things. Every good thing given and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. People are good at doing mediocre things, God is not. God does all things well.

Anna was in the temple at age 84. She didn't retire at 65. She was doing God's work, and that is work that knows no age.

Andrew heard John say that Jesus was the Lamb of God, and he left John, called his brother, and followed Jesus. That is impressive faith. Nathanael took more convincing. I think often I am more like Nathanael than Andrew. God has proven Himself faithful, and I will put my faith in Him.

I am a redeemed child of God. This is what remains.

Babies!

Well, last weekend the Jack Dempsey pair tried the egg laying thing again. I had suspicions that this time they actually hatched but only once saw something that looked like it might be a fry. Mom especially was acting like she had babies. Then yesterday I saw them. They are swimming around now. I think that maybe there are 50 or so. Considering that this is their second try and first time that any made it this far, that's not bad. We'll see how long they last, however.

In this video, look for little blurs toward the bottom. I apologize for the lack of clarity! Mom is caught doing what both parents will do with the fry at this age - she catches one that wandered away from the group in her mouth then spits it out again into the school. It's hard to see, but it happens. Again, Mom's the darker, smaller one, and Dad is the bigger, more colorful one.

I officially listed all of my fish and my aquariums for sale online this morning. I decided that it would be too much work and too hard on the fish to move them out of state, and I'm hoping I'll get at least some money for them. It may take some time to find a buyer, so I wanted to give myself time!