Harmony and Cacophony

I find myself in a world filled with unfulfilling things. Nothing seems to be interesting enough to hold my attention, and I am not sure if it is because I find myself surrounded by trivial things and activities or if it is the result of my internal unrest. I think perhaps it is a combination of both. I think that I have let life run away with me to the point that I almost forgot who I am. I define myself by my job, but that is not who I am, that is merely what I spend 40 hours every week doing. I define myself by my circumstances and relationship status, but who I am transcends who my friends are or my singleness or how many pets I have or whether this month will be tight or comfortable financially. Right now as I consider relocating again, I want a fresh start for a lot of things, but I want to return to others. I may want a new location for my life, but what I want most is myself. In times like this, "Know thyself" is profound philosophy. If I lose my understanding of myself - the good, the bad and the ugly - I cannot have a fulfilling life. Who am I really?

Where I am is hard. This is where life seems to have crumbled around me and I find myself staring at the rubble. This is also a good place to be, because I can burn the straw and the hay. I can watch the chaff float away. What remains is what is lasting, and right now that's what I want.

If there is one thing that never fails, it is the eternal word of God. No matter how much dust gathers on its cover, it shines brightly among the books, magazines and DVDs around it. There may be times when we choose the darkness of the worldly over the Light of the world, but that never diminishes the Light. I confess that I have a short attention span, so when it comes to reading the Bible, I sometimes seek a different approach to keep things fresh. I can get caught in the familiarity of words and stop thinking about what they are saying if I read things the same way every time. Sometimes keeping it fresh means that I try reading a different translation, and sometimes it means reading a chronological format. Right now I am just beginning reading A Harmony of the Gospels (methinks Erin had this for a college class and gave it to me so I could in turn use it for that class when I took it, but I never actually had to use it, probably because I took my NT Survey I during the winter term). The historian in me appreciates the chronological approach and the repetition that comes with such a format is good for striking the point home when inattention threatens to sabotage my comprehension.

While reading this morning, I was struck by the cacophony of thoughts that tumbled through my brain as I read. Each passage takes my thoughts to a new place, while strains of the old thoughts remain, mingling together. If I really want to get the most out of my interaction with God's word, I might do well to do outlines. I am not talking about creating an outline, per se, but rather outlines as I did them in college for Dr. Halstead and Dr. Smith. That's right, go passage by passage and record summary, interpretation and application. It is really a great way to study the Bible, and I really benefit from putting my thoughts down on paper (or on pixels, as the case may be). It helps me to process things fully.

I jest not when I say that I have a cacophony of thoughts. I'm going to record some of what was going through my mind as I read this morning...

When I was first putting together the substance of this post in my mind, when I came to the mention of the late Dr. C. W. Smith, my brain added, "God rest his soul." God rest his soul. What kind of theology does that phrase spring from? Is that from a tradition of praying for the deceased? Do we pray for God to rest the soul of someone because their soul is somehow in peril? I chose to omit it because I am convinced that "C. Dub" is in heaven, enjoying eternal fellowship with his Creator and Savior. He needs no such epitaph, nor do any who have died in Christ.

I sometimes read footnotes but often ignore them. I did read something this morning that indicated that the first few chapters of Luke may be written in a different tone and style than the rest of the book because one of the major sources that Luke used was Mary's personal account. This is attributed to strong oral tradition, but it makes sense. While it is the story of the beginning of Jesus' life on earth, there is a lot of dialogue that Mary herself would have heard that others may not have and also inclusion of internal responses. She treasured things in her heart and was amazed by the words of Simeon and did not understand what the 12 year old Jesus meant about being in His Father's house.

Speaking of 12 year old boys, the brief glimpse we see of how Jesus interacted with the teachers in the temple is astounding. I've been around kids that age - spent all summer with them a few years ago, in fact. This is not normal 12 year old behavior.

Another footnote was talking about the focus of John the Baptist's early ministry, dual focus on the soteriological and eschatological functions of the Messiah. Those terms were not defined and only brief examples were given. Clearly this is a book designed for use by those who are already familiar with such terminology. Once again I am grateful for my minor in Biblical Studies from TMC.

Speaking of John the Baptist, he was able to recognize Jesus while the two of them were yet unborn. He then recognizes Jesus because the Spirit of God descends upon Him. Toward the end of his life, didn't John send some of his disciples to ask Jesus who He really was? He knew yet he did not understand. Then when Jesus clears the temple the first time, the disciples only realize after the death of Christ what He meant when He said to tear down the temple and He will built it again in three days. John died before Jesus was crucified. He was the last of the prophets who proclaimed the Messiah without fully understanding how God was going to fulfill His promises to Israel. The disciples saw the death and resurrection and the pieces began to fall into place for them. It always amazes me that those so near to Jesus didn't understand what has been taught to me from a very early age until Christ's work on earth was completed.

When Jesus turned water into wine, it was good wine. This should come as no surprise, however, as God doesn't make mediocre things. God makes good things. Every good thing given and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. People are good at doing mediocre things, God is not. God does all things well.

Anna was in the temple at age 84. She didn't retire at 65. She was doing God's work, and that is work that knows no age.

Andrew heard John say that Jesus was the Lamb of God, and he left John, called his brother, and followed Jesus. That is impressive faith. Nathanael took more convincing. I think often I am more like Nathanael than Andrew. God has proven Himself faithful, and I will put my faith in Him.

I am a redeemed child of God. This is what remains.