Heartache

I have a broken heart. I love someone who is dating someone else. I've never experienced this kind of hurt before. I've been dealing with it for a month, since they started dating. It's a roller coaster and at times I do better than at others, but it's hard. I don't know what to do. I want to run, I want to hide, I want to scream, I want to find some way to take out my frustration, but I know that no matter what I do the pain will still be there.

I go to pray and I can't get words out, so I'm trusting that the Holy Spirit will translate for me. I know what I feel is not uncommon to mankind, but it's so new to me. It's so overwhelming. God can heal my heart and can give me peace. I can accept this with time. I want my love to wane, to move on. Yes, I want to find a godly man but my heart is not free. What a place to be.

When my dog died the only thing that made me feel better was looking for and getting a new dog. It's too bad people aren't like dogs in cases like this. I can't just go find a new one to love.

I need to get involved at church. I made a request to find someone to disciple me and for more information on getting involved in a group. I need godly people around me. This man that I love was my best friend, one of the only real friends I have here, and I can't go there for comfort. I feel so alone. I need God so much.

We talked about peace in church yesterday, and it was one of the most timely messages for me that I ever remember hearing. Responding to life with peace - "This doesn't change who God is." It's hard to see that God will work things for my good when my world has been turned upside down and twisted every which way. It is hard to desire that other people will be blessed through something that causes me so much pain.

I did not guard my heart, and it got broken. I know that in many ways I brought this on myself. That doesn't bring much comfort.

Pray for me. There's a lot of potential for God to work in my life through this, and I want to come away with as much of Him as I can.